The Trouble with Eavesdropping
by Johonna Marie
Summary: Eavesdropping can lead to some...interesting conclusions. What are Mary and Marshall really up to? Stan and Eleanor have their suspicions. What's going on between our favorite Marshals? Are u sure it's what you think? A loosely connected series of 1 shots


A/N: Eavesdropping can be very…dangerous. Especially when only one sense is doing the eavesdropping. What trouble could our favorite Marshals make? Read to find out! R&R please!

**Disclaimer: really, you think I'd let that Faber crap fly if I owned IPS.**

**NO! Marshall would be shirtless hittin up the beaches with his lady love if I had my say. **

**Which is to say, I don't own IPS or its characters.** :'-(

*sigh* Marshall's so cute… hey, *shrug* a girl can dream.

Ok, sorry. On with the point, Marshall Mary hilarity…!

* * *

2 pairs of feet click as they enter through the loud, creaky front gate.

"Come on Mere." Marshall says. "This tension isn't going to go away on its own. It was only get worse and make the day harder to get through." He tried logic on her now.

A chair squeaks a single pair of feet continues to click and then another chair squeaks.

"Isn't there an easier way to relieve it? Mary asked.

"Nope." Marshall said, sounding happy.

"But, it hurts." Mary whined, obviously not liking the idea.

"Pain before pleasure." Marshall replies. "Come here."

Mary sighs. A chair squeaks and shoes tap across the floor.

"Hop up." Marshall says, in a gleeful tone.

"Shut up, I know the drill." Mary snaps back.

There is the sound of zippers.

"Why'd you wear these Mary?" Marshall asks.

"They are comfortable and supportive." She quips back.

"You are making this take longer than it should." He reminds her.

"Like you aren't enjoying every minute." Mary snorts.

"How do you get these off?" He asks.

"God Cowboy, girl like you should know how to get these off. Let me or we won't ever get this over with." Mary teased him with a slight agitation.

There is a thump as something hits the floor.

"Well excuse me, Miss America." Marshall says. "I'm surprised you own a pair, the tomboy you are. If you wore a shirt, that would make this go faster too. Next time you know we have to do this, be prepared." He said, chuckling.

Mary was silent and there was the noise of a few more zippers and a buckle clink, as…clothing?...hit the floor.

"How long are you going to make me wait?" Marshall asked.

"Haa." Mary cheered. "There off. Now make with the magic Marshal Mann."

A chair squeaks again and boots click on the floor.

"You know the drill", Marshall said. "Hands, up against the wall, legs spread."

"You have been spending way too much time with Bobby." Mary observes.

"Cops have more fun." Marshall says. "You know, hand cuffs and all."

"Would you just go, please?" Mary asked with some pain in her voice.

"I haven't touched you yet. Hurt that bad already?" He asked in concern.

"Yes. So come work your finger magic and make me feel better." Mary said in a bossy tone.

"So crude, Mary." Marshall said.

"Ouch." Mary exclaimed. "Start off gently, how many times to we need to go over this."

"That's what she said." Marshall retorted. "Hey. Don't hit. Remember what I can do to you."

"Ahhhhhh." Mary cries. "Alright. No hitting."

"That's my girl."

"Sadist." Mary says and then moans a bit.

There are several minutes where the noise is only intakes of breath, moans and exclamations from Mary.

"Damn that hurts so good." Mary sighed.

"Almost done." Marshall replied.

"Yeah, yeah." Mary says relief in her voice.

"There all done." He says.

"Ahhh. Looser and more relaxed but now…" Mary spoke.

"Try walking." Marshall suggested.

There was the sound of feet moving, and then they stopped. "Tender and warm to the touch." Mary finishes.

"Hmm. You walk almost normally. Use some ice when you get home to help sooth your muscles."

"Thanks Doofus." Mary says.

"Any time." He says.

Boots click and feet pad over the floor. A chair squeaks as it pulls back to a desk.

"Need help getting those back on?" Marshall asks.

"I got it." Mary says, feet padding and chair squeaking.

"What? No tip?" Marshall asks.

"Your hands are cold." Mary says the chink of buckles makes noise. "And I think you got more pleasure out of that than I did." Zippers making the noise that only they can; the zzzzzzhhhhuuup.

"So it wasn't good for you?" Marshall asks no hint of joking in his voice.

There was a pause then the whoosh and splat, that can only be explained by a spit ball.

Before a battle could break out, Mary's cell rings.

'_Can I get a witness? Oh. Can I get a witness? Yeah._ _Can I get a witness? Yes. I'm talkin' talkin' 'bout my baby. Yeah. She's some kinda wonderful-'_

"Mary." She answered.

There was a silent pause as she listened to the person on the other line.

"We'll be there in 10." She said, snapping the phone shut. Her chair squeaked and boots clipped quickly toward the door.

Heavier footfalls followed as Marshall asked, "What's up?"

"Ari called. His little bundle's on her way. He's worried for her safety." Mary said, laying out the facts. "I said we'd be there for security detail."

"You big softy." Marshall teased, their voices fading with distance. "Bet you just wanna see is he faints."

"That too." Mary replied.

Any further comments were cut off as the elevator doors closed, taking them down to the ground floor.

Stan and Eleanor looked at each other, wide eyed.

They were in the corner of Stan's office where you couldn't see them unless you came into the office, stealing a brief moment of affection.

Eleanor stood from where she had rested on Stan's lap, turning to look at him.

"You don't think that was what it sounded like do you?" Stan asked disbelief on his face.

"It sounded like it." Eleanor said gravely. She broke into a smile. "I knew it."

"You did not." Stan said, rising also.

"I would have thought we would have been discovered before them." Eleanor told him, giving him an accusing stare.

"I can't help it you always look so good." Stan said with a wink.

"You're such a flirt." She said with an eye roll and smile.

They decided to take the opportunity to go for coffee and discuss this latest incident with the inspectors.

After all babies aren't born in a day, the partners would be gone for a while.

On the way to the hospital Marshall writes 'buy bananas' on Mary's note pad.

"I don't like them." Mary says, trying to grab the pen to scratch the fruit off her list.

"Potassium is very important. You like having your pal Charlie H. visit?" Marshall asks, giving her 'the look'.

"Fine." Mary grumbled, giving in. "I'll buy the freakin bananas."

"That's my little monkey."

* * *

A/N: Good thing they were headed to a hospital, I have a feeling Marshall may need a doctor.

Did anyone guess what the real deal was? Because no, they were NOT having…_…_…coitus. They aren't sleeping together…in this fic.

I don't wanna spoil it for those who didn't figure it out, so if you don't get it drop me a review and I'll let you in on the secret.


End file.
